5 Reasons Marriage Relationships Fail and What to Do About It

This is lunch in Montreal a few years ago. Louanne and I will celebrate our 40 year anniversary next year with our three daughters and 5 grand children. We love being married and seek to help those who struggle in their relationships.

Some statistics state that as high as 50% of marriages will fail. The most common reasons seem to fall into one of the following categories:

1/Communication- Not talking or too much talking with no real listening, connection, synergy or solutions being created.

2/ Financial Stress-Many relationships begin pre-programmed for financial disaster. Financial peace is often absent within most relationships.

3/ Infidelity-Goes without saying few relationships can survive this experience.

4/ Different Priorities- Couples often start out on the same page but over time they drift apart and live separate lives never coming back to center to re-align themselves..

5/ Physical, Sexual or Emotional Abuse- Christian Author and Psychologist Larry Crabb says...Often unhealthy people often hook up with unhealthy people....he calls it the “two ticks” and “no dog” syndrome.

What to Do About It

A comprehensive What to Do About It, is way beyond the possibility of this one simple blog but perhaps I can get you started.

1/ Recognise and Admit it Early-Whatever it is that is that going wrong, be smart enough to recognise it, talk about and begin to work on it immediately. Often couples find it is easier to let it slide and let it slide they do. :( From my own experiences and the tons of reading I have done on relational conflict, I find most couples takes 3-5 years struggling before they seek help. In my opinion, most times, that is too late too much collateral damage has taken place. Short accounts are always a good policy.

2/ Cultivate Great Communication Skills- Talking and sharing your side of something , is not communication, no matter how loud and how boisterous you may become it still not listening. Good communication is multi dimensional and difficult to achieve at times. Here is a simple test you can take after the next time you and your partner experience a topic of slight disagreeance. Once the dust has settled be brave and open enough to ask a series of questions like this; Do you feel I have listened to you? Do you feel that I understand? Do you feel that I care about you and what you have said? Are we finished this conversation or do we have more to talk about? Now I’d say....you have listened.

3/ Seek Help- Whether it be communication, financial stress, infidelity or a host of other difficulties, seek help and seek help fast. In our modern world self-help is at our finger tips, the library, the internet, cd’s, mp3’s and friends often provide a plethora of re-sources. One caution however, If self-help is not sufficient or over time proves not to helpful, then turn to counsellors, coaches, clergy, or more experienced friends. No matter who or what it is you decide to do - decide to get help. One more tip, if the help you are getting doesn’t seem to be helping, seek another source quickly. Talking freely and honestly about your problems with people you trust and that can provide help, while working together, instead of working against each other, often generates new ideas and produces the growth you need to overcome the problems you face.