4 Keys to Communication That May Save Your Relationship

This is lunch in Montreal a few years ago. Louanne and I will celebrate our 40 year anniversary next year with our three daughters and 5 grand children. We love being married and seek to help those who struggle in their relationships. Our communication skills have not always been the best but have been improving steadily over the past 10 or so years.

Relationships that endure require care, work, time, togetherness and, above all else, GREAT COMMUNICATION. As a professional who makes his living at communicating, I still do not consider myself as having arrived. However here are few tips, that Louey and I have discovered along the way that I hope you'll find helpful. Please leave your comments and I will personally respond to each one.

1/ Active Listening - Listen to your partner, I mean really listen. Most of the time we are most concerned about how what is being said is affecting us. We want to talk and express how we feel. Have you ever caught yourself preparing your rebuttal as your partner or friend is expressing their opinion? The Clue Phone is ringing....you are not listening! You have extrapolated one thought and now you are busy in your mind defending your hypothesis. This is not active listening. If you don’t believe me, I dare you to ask this set of questions after your next conversation with someone you care about. Do you feel I have listened to you? Do you feel that I understand? Do you feel that I care about you and what you have said? Are we finished this conversation or do we have more to talk about? If you get a positive response to all those inquiries....now I’d say....you have listened.

2/ Trust and Respect - Do you live your life in such a way that the people you desire to communicate most effectively with trust and respect you? Respect and trust is built through listening without judgement or, criticising the other person’s perspective, ideas, beliefs or feelings. This takes time, maturity, intention and a lot of practice.

3/ Share the Decision Making - Healthy relationships are equal partnerships with both parties playing their roles as one. Take a “team approach” to decision making and problem solving. When tough times come your way, remember you are both on the same team seeking the same goals. Relationships that are best pictures as “tugs of war” will not endure over time.

4/ Fight Fair - Learn how to love the person but hate the behaviours, and communicate that well. I think this is one of the most under-learned and under-practiced quality in many relationships today. Many relationships are based on “if you do what I want you to do” and “be what I want you to be” then we can have a relationship. Un-conditional love and respect says “Let the person be what they were created to be and learn to love that.” Knowing where your partner is vulnerable, and attacking that during conflict, is a sure way to destroy what may have taken years to build in trust and respect.

Please leave your comments or contact me privately at 519-501-9531.